what not to wear: Crackberries

Heels on Friday took a hiatus last weekend to run the Baltimore Half-Marathon (not in heels). Sorry for the lapse in posts, and we are back this week with more Sage Advice on What Not to Wear.

Previously, hipsters took a hit. This time, we’re taking a long, hard look at overproductive types who can’t seem to get by without their electronic leash.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen men list Blackberries or iPhones among the devices that they can’t live without. Fallacy. You can live without ‘em. You did it before these things were invented and you can do it again, especially if it’s just for a couple hours on a date.

With few exceptions (you’re an ER surgeon/firefighter/Clark Kent’s real life double), you do not need any kind of electronic device with you doing a social event. It does not make you look successful, well-connected, or important. It sends a powerful sign to your date in the opposite direction, in fact. It tells her that she’s not important, and that right from the get-go, she’s competing with your job and other parts of your schedule for your attention. Hardly chivalrous. It also makes you look like you can’t manage your time and keep your work/life balance separate but equal. Personal time should be exactly that: personal.

If you simply must check messages or make a quick call, do it discretely while she’s in the bathroom – where she’s probably doing exactly the same thing.

the neverending story

It’s striking how often romantic movies end with the couple getting together. Yes, in most cases, this is what the audience is hoping for – another happy ending. Love on the big screen is all about the pursuit, the loss, the combustion, the apology, the reunion, and finally, the big moment where boy gets girl, or girl gets boy, or boy gets boy, or girl gets girl.

In art (as in life, sometimes) committed relationships fall apart. They are boring, dysfunctional, prone to infidelity, unhappiness, deceit, and every kind of perfidy that one can image. But the new relationship – that’s the one that brings out the sparking, best self of the protagonist. At least, until the new relationship becomes old. 

So really, movies end at the beginning. Happiness makes for dull storytelling, so presumably, after the couple wends offscreen to a blissfully bland enternity, there’s nothing more for us to see.

I wonder if we’re all a little preoccupied with beginnings, a little impatient for happiness, ready to feel doubt at the slightest provocation. Falling in love is easy. Staying in love? Might have a lot less to do with romance and a lot more to do with choice – choice to believe in that person, no matter what you feel.

The West Wing, one of the best written shows on television, might even shed a little light on this slippery thing called love. Danny Kincannon knew exactly what he was asking when he posed this question to CJ:

“If I am going to jump off the cliff and you are going to be pushed off the cliff why don’t we hold hands together on the way down?”