how not to date me

If the title doesn’t expess it already, these are some surefire ways to land yourself in the Friend Zone – if you’re lucky.

1. Ask to do something the day of. I’m not saying this because I’m a self-important, overscheduled DC snob. I’m saying it because my schedule is usually determined pretty well in advance. If you like me, you’ll be deliberate about it and make plans ahead of time.

Exceptions: 1) You just scored tickets to an unannounced Beck concert 2) You’re Johnny Depp

2. Punt the planning. The “I don’t know the area that well, so I’d rather go somewhere you’re comfortable” excuse will only go so far before it looks like laziness or a lack of imagination. See my posting on where to go for ideas. And yes, I will share the love and cook up some fun ideas – just not the first time around.

3. Forget your manners. Being late, not opening doors, sticking me with the bill (on a first date) are guaranteed ways to piss me and I’d say 95% of the rest of the female population off. If you are late/ill-mannered/cheap I do not feel empowered. I feel that you’re rude or worse. If you wouldn’t do it to a business associate, don’t do it to someone you’re dating. It’s as simple as that.

4. Overdose on small talk. Sure,  conversation serves to break the ice, and small talk is perfect for that. But if we only get as far as the weather, what we did last weekend, and the latest delays on the Red Line, something’s amiss. Asking where I shop for groceries is not going to help you know me any better – and I’ll either think you’re boring or trying to suss out my tax bracket. Do yourself a favor and scan the headlines before showing up. Current events is usually good fodder for branching out to other topics.

5. Play it safe. There are two dangers when it comes to the physical side of dating. Either too much too soon, or interactions so chaste that the Victorians would approve. If you’re feeling it, go for it. Confidence is a turn on. Too many dates with nothing more than a casual hug or a peck on the cheek will get you so deep in the friend zone, nothing short of a miracle will pull you out of it. I hope you like moving heavy furniture and explaining what an intake gasket is.

smooth operator

Last week we covered where to find great – or at least passable – date ideas DC. This week, tips on breaking the ice or making sure she remembers you for all the right reasons.

Remember Your Manners

Can’t stress enough that a little courtesy goes a very long way. Opening doors, offering seats on a crowded train, etc. etc. – such politeness can’t be taken for granted so when it happens, it’s memorable.

Dance

A man who can dance has been sexy since pretty much the beginning of time. A man who can dance is confident. A man who can dance is compelling. If the thought of unleashing your inner Patrick Swayze is terrifying, just remember this: A man who can dance always gets the girl. Always.

Take some lessons if you need to, or check out these links for inspiration:

For Country Boys

For City Boys

Get Her a Drink

Is it cheesy? Yes. A little risky? Maybe. But there’s a reason why this old standby is still a standby. Just make is classy and maybe a little creative. Bartenders might be able to help – and so can this article.

Cook Something

Learn to make something more than mac n’ cheese. Every man should have one or two standby recipes that you’ve truly mastered. Practice on your mom first. She’ll be so impessed you cooked for her, you’ll win all kinds of points. Bonus.

There are a gazillion cooking sites out there. Try The Food Network, or the trusty A Man, A Can, A Plan cookbook.

Listen

A man who’s paying attention is worth giving attention to, as long as you’re making eye contact in the right area. Suave men have perfected the art of looking as if they are hanging on a woman’s every word. It’s flattery without saying a word!

Even better is bringing up what as said in a past conversation the next time you see her.

“I thought about you and your crazy trip to Colorado when I saw that the Rockies made it to the playoffs this year…”

Compliment Her, Not the Way She Looks 

Women love hearing that they look great. Real deal-sealers might be compliments about character or personality, however. These kind of remarks not only show that you’re paying attention (see above), but that you’re also interested in her as a person, not just what she might look like without her shirt.

Example:

A) “You look terrific.”

B) “I’ve really enjoyed our conversations – you’re a great storyteller and I love your sense of humor.”

Give these a side by side trial run and see what happens.

man with a plan

Back in the good ol’ days, when men asked women out at least three days in advance, picked them up on their doorstep, opened car doors and paid for the first date, there was one critical component: a plan.

The tradeoff, of course, was that if things went well a gal could find herself behind a stove in June Cleaver heels for the next fifty years, turning out homemade cookies by the dozen and wondering where her life had gone.

In these more liberated times, such protocols have been widely abandoned. Which leads to a phenomenon known as The Man With No Plan. And this is annoying. There’s no way a man setting up a lunch meeting with a business associate would expect that person to suggest the restaurant, provide directions, schedule the meeting, and (possibly) split the cost of lunch. Yet this happens with alarming frequency in the dating world, where there’s potentially a bit more riding on it, and the person sitting across the table is probably a lot better looking than your average corporate Joe Schmoe.

There’s no excuse for this, especially in a city like DC.

Some pointers, so that you will never be planless again:

The Washington Post

An oldie but goodie. Check out the Going Out Gurus, restaurant reviews, and calendar sections for loads of ideas.

Brightest Young Things: Slightly Overexposed

Delightfully irreverent, this hip site is a wealth of info on arty events in the city, including films, concerts, and parties. There’s even a Style Guide, and the “Tales from the District” comics are pretty great.

AOL City Guide: Washington, DC

Old school, this is probably one of the most useful AOL holdovers. Scroll for restaurant reviews, events, “City’s Best” lists, and more. There are even a few specialized itineraries for spending time in the city.

Really need help? Sign up for the Things to Do mailing list, (available at www.thingstododc.com) and every week you’ll get hit with a whole slew of weekend possibilities, from skeet shooting to a bar crawl.

And let’s not forget the wealth of great print publications out there like The Onion, the Express, City Paper, and On Tap magazine (all available online, though The Onion’s DC-specific events are in the print edition).

This list is by no means comprehensive - I can’t reveal all my secrets – but it’s enough so those awkward “What do you want to do?”  ”I don’t know, what do you feel like doing?” conversations should be thoroughly banished for the foreseable future.