Retroactive blogging on all the topics that have been buzzing around all these months is tempting, as is attempting to launch a platform to inspire a new generation of 21st-century Mr. Darcys. But the first – and most important – piece of advice I have to offer is this: know what you want.
It sounds so simple, so obvious. But its overlooked more often than one would think humanly possible. Its a refrain I hear time and time again. “Well, I can’t really make up my mind right now, so we’ll just see what happens.”
Usually, what happens is a lot of crossed signals, missed communications, confusion…you get the idea. Its not that I’m against casual dating or keeping things light. Its when “casual dating” runs into “looking for serious commitment” and neither one tells the other that things can get sticky.
Know Thyself
First rule of thumb. Who are you, right now? Not what you think your relationship persona is, or your ideal, down-the-road relationship. Honesty with yourself is the most important first step. If you don’t know where you are, how can you expect anyone else to?
Be realistic about how much time you have to invest in a relationship, how much initiative you’re willing to take, how much initiative you expect from the other party, whether you’re looking for something casual, or something long-term, or something in the middle.
Do you want someone to share activities with, someone who clicks with you intellectually, someone who’s great arm candy? You may even find you have a couple categories open – from a bar hopping buddy to someone who’d be great to take home for the next family get-together.
If this sounds like work, it is. But its better at the front end, and it may save one of these awkward, “It’s not you, it’s me” conversations down the road.
